I need a belt and some sensible shoes

Ok, so I've been going to the gym like a mad woman, and have been eating well about 5-6 days of the week, and I've lost a few pounds. I'm happy; really, I am. So don't get me wrong, but I need to complain for a little bit here.

I have no sense of style, and really never have. Once upon a time, when I was at my goal weight for about 8 and a half days, I think I looked good. But that's only because when you can squeeze into a size 10 pair of pants that make your ass look good, you don't mind paying $50 for them, when normally you never go above your "$20 or less" rule for any single item.

Note: I just re-read that paragraph, and a few things jumped out at me.
1. Yes, size 10 is my goal size. Screw you, skinny people.
2. I know $50 is probably not even a lot for a good pair of pants, but it is when you're used to the "$20 or less" rule.
3. The "$20 or less" rule is probably the root of my problem. No wonder I look like Pat from SNL.

But seriously, I feel like the androgyny queen (or king?). I've been trying on clothes all morning. I have two pair of khaki's that fit, but are a little bit too big. I didn't think they looked that bad until I turned around to check my ass, and it looked like I pooped my pants. Instead of hugging the curves of my womanly bottom, the pants just kinda hung off my ass like they were holding my morning dooker. I figured I could try on a pair of my "skinny" pants since my regular pants were too big. I tried on a pair of jeans that were borderline flattering. You know the type-- if you suck in your gut and strike a pose, you look hot, but as soon as you exhale, you're looking at camel toe, gut eruption over the waistline, and you feel the immediate need to pluck your panties out of your ass crack. No thanks. I checked the tag to see what size they were. I would have been psyched if they were a 14, and I would've been ok with them being a 16, but when I looked at the tag, it said "35 x 30". Oh my gosh, I'm wearing MEN'S jeans! No wonder I look like Pat. Come to think of it, this button-down flannel shirt isn't that flattering either. As my cousin Jane would say, all I need is a belt and some sensible shoes.

So. What do I do in the meantime? Spend $50 on a nice pair of size 16 pants that will look good for a month before I need to retire them to the Poopy Pants Pile? Do I just go with the dyke look until I'm hot enough to become feminine again? I'm welcome to ideas if anyone has them.